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Thursday, November 10, 2011

Puppy Intervention

There was no reason to think today would be unlike any other. No omens, no signs, no "funny feelings" nagging at the rear of her subconscious; nothing out of the ordinary. But if she'd known what waited for her at home, she probably would have done anything to avoid it.

As it was, without giving it a second thought, she turned onto her street. Scanning ahead for a parking spot in front of her house, and finding them all full, she kept driving. Mildly annoyed, she drove on until she found an opening half a block away.

Before she got to the front gate, she noticed it wasn't latched. She brushed her concern away, thinking that maybe the mailman or one of the kids had left it open. She walked up her steps and reached for the door. It wasn't locked. Alarm bells beginning to sound in her head, she opened it. And there it was. The ambush.

She turned to escape the way she'd just entered, but he was too quick. Her husband closed the door and told her they needed to talk. Feeling cornered, she stormed to the back door and tried to exit. But they were smart, these conspirators, and dirty. The smell of a fresh pot of coffee assailed her senses. Her feet stopping in their tracks without her permission, she stood dumbly in the kitchen, having forgotten completely what she had intended to do next. An all too common experience, this time she was snapped to attention by a familiar voice.

A smiling person she'd always considered a close friend thrust a steaming mug into her hands, "Let's go sit down. Everyone here is on your side. We love you and we just want to talk." Intoxicated by the kind words and good brew, she followed Marcia into the living room and sat woodenly on the couch.

Maggie took the lead, "We just want to start by saying that you are really important to us, and we all want what's best for you. We are concerned about you and some of the decisions you have been making. We want to help you see that they are affecting others in your life, and so we will each now share and then let you make your own conclusions about what happens next. Is that okay with you?"

She nodded her consent, eyes downcast. She sipped her coffee and bravely looked up as the group gathered in her house began to speak. First was her own husband.

"Your behavior has negatively affected me in the following ways...It was okay when you allowed just one into our bed, but you keep letting in more and more. I squeeze myself against the wall and try to ignore all the legs kicking me, but the chewing...oh, heavens to Betsy! The chewing!" He sobbed quietly, face in his hands, while he tried to regain his composure. "The chewing. They play tug of war with my hair and mistake my ears for rawhide. I can't take it anymore. If something doesn't change, I'm leaving you...a very firm note or something."

Next was her daughter. "Mom, I speak for all of us kids when I say that we don't see anything wrong with you getting us lots and lots of puppies. In fact, we were hoping you'd get us more. We promise we'll take care of them!"

Whispers of "Get her out of here," were followed by a gentle but firm escort out of the room by a three year old boy brandishing a scowl and a plastic sword.

Around the room, friends each gave their concerns...

"All you talk about is dogs anymore. I miss having conversations about other things, like we used to. Things like your endless piles of laundry or the ways you clean out your household appliances in the hopes of improving their efficiency. Well, actually, I don't really miss those specific conversations. But there were others, I think..."

"You smell like poop and you get it all over my home when you come over. You were the inspiration for my 'no shoes in the house' rule. Worse yet, I'm not sure the last time you tracked stuff all over my carpet and furniture you were even wearing shoes."

One by one, they cited other issues; fleas, wasting money on dog food, not getting enough sleep, the never ending doggie land mines all over her yard and often house.

She turned as a soft voice meowed beside her. It was the family cat, Oscar. He just looked at her and slowly shook his head.

Scratching feverishly behind her ear, she spoke up. "I appreciate you all coming to talk to me today. I'll admit that in the past I have gotten a little carried away, but that was a long time ago. I haven't gotten any new puppies in a long time. I totally have things under control now. So, while I appreciate your concern, you have wasted your time."

Suddenly, her purse moved. Then, a lump in her pocket.

"You brought two more home, didn't you?" her husband accused.

"No, what are you talking about? Of course not. I have plenty of puppies already, I just told you that!"

Now noises were coming from her backpack and coat.

Maggie threw her hands up in the air, looked at the others and said, "Let's go. Obviously this isn't working."

Marcia came over and pulled the coffee cup out of her hands in disgust, then followed everyone else out the door.

Even her husband exited angrily, pen and paper clenched in his fist.

Sitting there in shock, she wasn't sure how to react. The little critters got her attention and she went to get the new pets out of their hiding places. From her pocket, her purse, her backpack and coat she pulled out four bunnies, and got ready to introduce them to the rest of the four footed family.

Oscar approved.

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